overwhelmed

I am up to my neck in work--two separate projects, with a paper each, and a third (and technically a fourth) project that I have been ignoring somewhat as I fight first one, and then the other, of the primary pair.

This involves juggling a lot of details and staying late at work and programming a lot.

I used to hate programming. I took the introductory programming class in college. It was Java, and it was definitely not introductory. I scraped my way through it, learned almost nothing, and hated every other minute of it, because nothing made any sense. (In my defense, it was my first semester. I didn't yet know how to find other resources when a professor lecture turned out to be useless.)

I made my way through most of undergraduate with the same opinion, only reinforced by somewhat confusing experiences with programming in IDL in my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years. Then I went off to graduate school, and in my first year and my first semester I discovered I rather badly needed it. I learned a lot (a lot) of IDL in my first semester, and picked up most of the basics of general programming. (not object-oriented, though. That still confuses me). Now it is the beginning of my third year and I am surprised to find that I've been programming for class and for research for over a year straight, and been doing well okay decent at it. I even picked up working and programming a bit in IRAF (not much, but I can get by).

I'm surprised by how much I enjoy it. Obviously this is influenced by the fact that some of my programs in fact actually work, which is a drastic improvement over my first work in the field. And I get the gist or general structure of a straight line-by-line implemented program. I understand loops, and I've picked up troubleshooting methods (hint: print statements will help you find where you are going wrong). I've even managed to decipher someone else's program (not a professional one. just a peer-written piece of code, which is never as well annotated as you would hope. But it made sense!). But I'm not a programmer. I have no ability to make things elegant or streamlined; I have a tendency to cram everything into one big program file instead of making individual processes that might be multipurpose, and I know nothing about how to make my loops efficient.

Anyway, the point is that with a lot of work I've made improvements, and I'm not sure *how* I've made them, but I'm proud that programming no longer makes me run screaming. (Though it still makes me grimace).

Now I'm at a stage where I don't know anything about modeling. But I'm beginning to learn... to pick up pieces. This makes me optimistic. Maybe in 5 or 7 years, I'll actually be skilled at it.




I still have a million things going on in my head at once but as it's the end of summer I have started kicking out things other than work. Still, knitting has its place firmly rooted, and its something I turn to when I need a mental break from work.

Like programming, I'm surprised to see that I've been *really* knitting for over a year. I did some simple scarves on and off for almost 4 years now, but last year--early last year, say January 2010--is when I really got into it. I'd joined ravelry and found some good patterns, and my aunt bought me a book on socks, and my sister'd asked for me to knit her some and picked out the yarn. I found that knitting kept me awake in class when no other force on this good earth ever had (I loved my classes. I hated sleeping through them, but it happened anyway), and so I started the socks. And then I had some interesting yarns in my stash (how? I don't know, I just picked them up) and I made myself some ugly wrist warmers that laced up with ribbon. I was living alone at this point in time and I'd unpacked enough to find my original Stitch and Bitch book (now tragically lost) and I figured out how to do stripes and seed stitch and then a seed stitch scarf had been started and was churning along and I made an ugly fish and a book mark and a knitted cat toy and I'd picked out yarn for a blanket for my mother and actually started it and I was a knitter. It picked up momentum, it happened gradually over a long period of time. But last Christmas I had 2 knitted gifts for family members--3 if you count the scarf, which didn't make it to its intended recipient--and I felt really, really good about my skills.

Why I felt this way is uncertain. I hadn't done anything except rectangles and a pair of socks at this point. I didn't understand short rows or shaping, and I had to look up what "wrap and turn" and "pick up stitches" meant on youtube. But there were so many things I wanted to do and learn--and my stash was growing, and growing.

I wanted to make a shawl--I did. My first was an Elizabeth Zimmerman Pi Shawl, rather too small because I lost patience once the rows got too big and invented a leafy bindoff early. Next I found a free pattern and followed it (Summer Flies, on Ravelry, which at this time is free) and even analyzed it. I also did what I consider my first real lace shawl, in linen that I picked up here in Denmark--in the Birch pattern, from the tip up. I loved knitting every instant of it--the pattern was easy to memorize, a major major bonus in lace knitting. I cast on a shawl in practically-cobweb-weight cotton that I picked up at Habu Textiles, though that is still in progress. And I have plans to do some Estonian Lace when I get home again, where my book is.

I wanted to do amigurumi--and I did. I made a tomato and plunged straight on into a snail that got abandoned when I got confused in the directions, but I can't wait to get home and work on it again. And I've got an alligator on the needles here, all but done--need to figure out how long to make it before felting it. I got in on the hexipuff craze ever so briefly and made a few of them.

I wanted to make socks--and I did. Or a sock, anyway, completed. The other one is in the process of having its cuff re-knit for the third everloving time. After that this pair will be for me and I have plans for three more pairs--two with lace, the other plain. I find I love toe-up socks because the sizing and shaping is intuitive. I want 500 pairs. They're easy-ish and fast-ish and the colors are great usually and the product-to-yarn ratio is very good. (not so for a sweater)

I wanted to make myself a sweater. That's in progress, kind of. Turns out I'm so lazy (and busy--see above) that what I really want is an easy sweater. And the stuff online is all a bit complex. So I'm improvising a top-down yoke sweater with some sort of stripey yoke pattern using Elizabeth Zimmerman's percentage system as a guideline for how many stitches to put on the side for the sleeves. So far I'm a few inches in. We'll see how well it goes.

I wanted to create a pattern--and I kind of did, a few times. They're just in my head. They're both simple objects--fingerless mitts and a cowl-hoodie which I call a cowloodie. I made the cowloodie first and frankly hated the outcome--the cowl part was too big and the hoodie part was awkwardly shaped due to my aforementioned lack of understanding of short rows. I ripped it out and made it into the mitts (garter stitch, and fix the problem with camoflauge-effect-yarn by striping with something plain) with an attached i-cord edging that I love.

The problem is that I have a lot of yarn. I mean a hell of a lot of yarn. I keep going to the yarn store and finding beautiful stuff. And it's reasonable to pick up souvenir yarn while traveling--but I want to knit it all. I want to make beautiful cabled fingerless mitts for my aunt and more socks for me and a hat for my sister and a knitted felted dragon and two or three different ribbon-based scarves and at least 3 separate versions of Clapotis for my friends and more socks for me and a another sweater and that's where I know I have a problem because there is no way in six hells that I will ever, ever finish this stuff in a reasonable time (ie before I get back to the States with 500 pounds of yarn with me).

So I need a plan. An outline. Just to keep things feasible so I don't go buy more yarn every weekend.

1) a square for a friend's blanket. I already have the yarn for this, I just need to do it
2) mini mittens + a bit of a gift for another friend who's feeling down
3) many pink mitts and maybe a pink scarf for my oldest friend who is getting married this year
4) finish my alligator for knit-it-forward 1
5) make some charcoal mitts for knit-it-forward 2
6) figure out something to make in jewel tones for knit-it-forward 3
7) knit-it-forward 4 and 5 are done but need to be mailed
8) I really want to finish these three-times-reknit socks. They are very comfortable and a lovely color
9) finish mitts + maybe a scarf for my aunt
10) christmas gift for my sister (partially done!)
11) christmas gift for my other sister (not even started :P)
12) a blanket for my brother--this one I've run out of yarn on so I have to wait until I get back or until I get it mailed to me. Whichever happens first :P
13) I'd like a new pair of socks other than the ones I've worked on 400 times
14) I'd like *another* new pair of socks.
15) I have so many sock yarn bits--I think I'd like more hexipuffs, to stuff with catnip for the many cats I love, for christmas
16) experiment with plain yarn + ribbon yarn for gorgeous scarves.
17) my first real major scary lace needs a lot of work and a few more lifelines. I'd like to finish the first hank of really thin cotton
18) I really want to make more linen birch shawls. maybe 2-toned. One for Lauren?
19) I have accepted that I will never in my life manage to make a sock-monkey hat for my mother because I hate it--I hate sock monkeys and I can't find any yarn that isn't one million dollars. so I will buy it for her instead and then knit her some wrist-warmers in blue with cables. maybe.
20) rainbows and unicorns dummy clapotis

the fact that the clapotis I am half-knitted is at the very very bottom of the list is just an indication of how much I dislike it currently. It needs size 3s--same size as my sweater--and I want the sweater more.

(note that the sweater isn't even on the list. I feel like the odds of it actually getting finished are so slim it's hard to imagine working on it. But I guess I'd consider it number 0: sort of omnipresent and necessary for the rest of this list).

Now the problem is that in addition to all these projects I also have--stripey purple white thing, red lace, thunderstorm lace epic, scratchy grey lace, knitted dragon, knitted lil alligator, and other crazy ribbon yarn in pastels. All this yarn is in my apartment in Copenhagen. Half, at least, I brought with me from the U.S.--the other half is acquired here. and I want more of it. I was just thinking about sari-silk yarn and how there are two different types and one is soft and the other is sort of rough and stiff and how the rought one would look like rose petals when knitted up and how I really like red and warm colors and I should probably get it. And also I should get some of the soft stuff.

In short, I am imagining yarns and projects far, far faster than I am ever working on them. As long as I work late (yarn stores close as early as 5pm here, and 3pm on weekends, and are closed on Sundays), I will be all right--I can't buy yarn if I can't get in the store. But one of these weekends I am going to get up at about 9am and casually get dressed, catch a bus to the shopping district, and come home with another $50 of yarn. And be really really happy, and still have no finished projects.

the sad thing is I'm having a hard time seeing that as a problem.

Here are a few pictures of my visit to the big cemetary here in the city, where Niels Bohr's family grave site is (and H.C. Anderson, and a few other famous people as well).